No one is unreasonable

No one says, “I’m going to be unfair to this person today, brutal in fact, even though they don’t deserve it or it’s not helpful.”

Few people say, “I know that this person signed the contract and did what they promised, but I’m going to rip them off, just because I can.”

And it’s quite rare to have someone say, “I’m a selfish narcissist, and everyone should revolve around me merely because I said so.”

In fact, all of us have a narrative. It’s the story we tell ourselves about how we got here, what we’re building, what our urgencies are.

And within that narrative, we act in a way that seems reasonable.

To be clear, the narrative isn’t true. It’s merely our version, our self-talk about what’s going on. It’s the excuses, perceptions and history we’ve woven together to get through the world. It’s our grievances and our perception of privilege, our grudges and our loves.

No one is unreasonable. Or to be more accurate, no one thinks that they are being unreasonable.

That’s why we almost never respond well when someone points out how unreasonable we’re being. We don’t see it, because our narrative of the world around us won’t allow us to. Our worldview makes it really difficult to be empathetic, because seeing the world through the eyes of someone else takes so much effort.

It’s certainly possible to change someone’s narrative, but it takes time and patience and leverage. Teaching a new narrative is hard work, essential work, but something that is difficult to do at scale.

In the short run, our ability to treat different people differently means that we can seek out people who have a narrative that causes them to engage with us in reasonable ways. When we open the door for these folks, we’re far more likely to create the impact that we seek. No one thinks they’re unreasonable, but you certainly don’t have to work with the people who are.

And, if you’re someone who finds that your narrative isn’t helping you make the impact you seek, best to look hard at your narrative, the way you justify your unreasonableness, not the world outside.

Reblogged from: here

Advertisements

About janaknmistry

Janak is a 1984 born, MSc and MBA educated from Mumbai, India. He is an avid traveller by choice and a solopreneur by luck. He has clocked many thousands of kilometres on a motorcycle. It was his journey to the Leh-Ladakh, which motivated him to write about his experiences throughout the journey in enjoying the beauty, pain and hardships. He has successful authored and published his book called “Journey in Time with Timeless Memories” which is released and published in Germany and available all over the world besides Asia and the Middle East. Apart from being an author he is an active book reviewer too and have reviewed books by some of the established authors in USA. Janak runs a motorcycle expedition co. called Jack n Jill-The Moto Expedition Co. He is passionate about travelling and photography, which helps him find a beauty and meaning in this wide busy world. It was his journey to the Leh-Ladakh which motivated him to write about his experiences throughout the journey in enjoying the beauty, pain and hardships. He is passionate about travelling and photography which helps him find a beauty and meaning in this wide busy world.
This entry was posted in Self-Realisation and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s